25 June 2014

I dont know if im secretly falling for you or..

Its hard to say knowing the fact that i’ve only known you for a week but its amazing how much time we spend talking to each other. I dont want to fall into a situation where its just one sided (again). I’m always cautious with the words i use around you.. I dont wanna piss you off (looking at the fact that you look pissed off all the time). If i am this cautious around you.. does this mean something?

its probably just me. 

The question is, are you worth chasing for? Are you worth my time?

24 June 2014

a heart to heart talk with a friend last night hit me hard.

i never usually have an opportunity to have someone to talk about my feelings;- i used to (with my best friends) but ever since we were all separated into different schools, we rarely meet. even since, i don’t always feel comfortable talking to them about certain things. that’s why i usually just keep everything to myself and then eventually self-combust.

however yesterday was different. i recently met this friend;- used to hate her (i judge people a lot tbh even before i get to know them but I’m trying to work on it) but ever since working with her during the school camp, i’ve grown to like her a lot as a person.

She’s just like me - same person, same personality, but just different parents.

The train ride back home yesterday with her was very enriching. I learnt new things about her and also new things about myself. 

i don’t know where else i could just blurt out my feelings and not be judged on or even laughed at except by writing it out somewhere. often, people don’t get me. I’ve always been that person that people look for advice on but no one really was the person to ever hear me out. I’m not gonna say I’m disappointed but more like… i wish people could get me. Not only that, i have trust issues and I’m pretty much very naive. I either always tell the wrong person or person always rat out my secrets. Literally at this point of time, idek if i have real friends or not.

I’m that person who is always speaking her mind out but often, I’m afraid that people will be offended by what i say or maybe even by my choice of words. i have a lot of opinions but i usually just keep it to myself. I’m afraid, afraid that people will hate me, afraid that they will all leave me someday because of having an opinion. i hate how people always think they’re right and I’m always the wrong one and i can’t have my own opinions. i always get laughed at because i speak my mind out. 

i dont know if im doing things right, or wrong.